My cup run'ith ova...

As February comes to an end I thought I owed my faithful followers an update on my current state of being.  Things are going very well.  Thanks to my blog I’ve managed to reconnect with some old friends, and help others in there very own journey.

As the fierce winter weather leaves Wisconsin so does the cold empty feeling of my apocalypse.  As I sat on the couch curled up under my blanket reading my Nook with Ethan next to me reading his book I felt home for the first time in a very long time.

It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood!  Oh yeah that’s right… I’m feeling a little bounce in my pounce these days.  I can feel spring just around the corner and it makes me tremble with excitement.

Why?  Because spring is a time for rebirth; which is very fitting for this new phase of life.  I’ve buried the past and have to say I feel fucking great.  Best damned decision I’ve made to date.  (That rhymed!)

I’m living the dream… at least I’m living my dream.  Maybe some people feel my life isn’t anything special or a fraud.  That’s fine… you’re welcome to have your diluted little opinions just as much as the next person. 

Don’t twist my reality… don’t label what I have for me.  I know what I have… and I love my little family.

Between the baby mamma drama and gossipy shitfucks I’ve about reached my limit of niceness.  Jealous mongers looking thru my window pain with their envious eyes.  I will not be defined by fucktards and rejects!

Dueces assholes!  ;o)

Rumors, Bullshit and Complete Misunderstandings… it’s what Racine, WI is made of.

There seems to be a misunderstanding about the reasons for my recent decisions.  I’ve said my goodbyes and elegized both Sarah Anne and Gabby.  I’ve put them both behind me and closed that chapter in my life. 

I guess when you do things publicly people start to ponder their own thoughts as to why.  Which is fine but some seem to have painted an ugly picture. 

First, I say “Sarah Anne” as to not confuse all the other Sarah’s in my life.  For example, Sarah “Lil’ Sarah” Cecchini who’s been an awesome, honest and true friend since we were 14.  I don’t actually call Sarah Anne by Sarah Anne when I talk to her… unless she was in need of a scolding.  :~)  Just needed to clarify that.

Second, people seem to lump Sarah Anne and Gabby into the same category.  This couldn’t be further from the truth and has left me compelled to clear the air as best as I can. 

Though I have made the choice to say goodbye I don’t want anyone to think that I believe Gabby to be a bad person or that she did anything wrong.  To this day I love and respect Gabby and will always cherish the times we had together. 

No need to cover the reasoning behind Sarah Anne… as everyone is all ready aware.

Unfortunately, for Gabby and me, our friendship came to an impasse.  Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you make decision to deal with them the best way you can. I have always been quick to cut people out of my life and I don’t pretend to believe it’s fair.  It just happens to be part of my personality.

I mean hey, everyone has imperfections and defects that mold and shape the people that they are.  I’ve never claimed to be perfect or to make the best decisions.  I struggle everyday with things that affect me to my core just like everyone else and I have never pretended to be the only person with struggles.

Am I saying I cut Gabby off… no.  I didn’t… she slowly removed herself from my life and I just stood by and let it happen.  I didn’t stop her… I didn’t ask why… I didn’t even acknowledge it. 

She went from calling me everyday to never calling.  Emailing me throughout the day… which slowing started to dissipate. 

The writing was on the wall and I read it and not once attempted to confront it.  Eventually, all communication stopped.  It wasn’t the first time and though she made a pinky swear she didn’t hold up her end of the promise.  So I didn’t see the point in holding up mine.

If you know me… you know that I’m just me.  I say stupid shit, I’m sarcastic, and I don’t genuinely care if I come off abrasive or say things people find inappropriate.

That filter, the ones most people have… the one that says “don’t say that”… well mine is “out of order”.  Usually, a thought pops into my head and then before you know it… It’s just coming out of my mouth.  I won’t offer an apology for my honesty.

Here’s my point. 

Gabby and I just simply stopped talking.  I don’t know what her reasons were and I have no energy left in me to figure out why. 

Bottom line.

Gabby… good person.

Me... over it.

Happy Codependence Appreciation Day!!

Ah Valentines Day… the day for telling people you love that you love them.  A day of spending ridiculous amounts of money on candy and jewelry for the one you love.  And maybe even a candle light dinners while wearing your fancy clothes.

Not exactly how I spend my VD but then I’ve never been one to conform.  Usually I would use this day as a reason to splurge and have a great steak from my favorite restaurant.  Not that I get dressed up for it… nothing says I regret that steak like walking into a restaurant looking great but then you leave all bloated.  Ga-Rooosss!  Who’s sexy with the meat sweats?!

This Valentines Day as I read everyone’s Facebook updates I’m left to wonder… Why is it when I read some peoples mushy updates I smile and think… Awe how cute.  Then others I read and roll my eyes in annoyance. 

Do I doubt their devotion?  For that matter; you may be asking yourself who am I to doubt and judge them.  The answer is… no body really, but I’m ok with sharing my vapid reactions to other people’s personal lives.  As a matter of fact it’s what some of you count on and I wouldn’t want to let you down. 

I can’t help but feel cynical when it comes to this holiday.  I’ve never need a holiday to tell people I love them.  I try to show that everyday… I believe in the little things.  Not that I don’t want flowers for Valentines Day… I mean I still have a vagina. 

Maybe it’s just easier for me to voice my frustrations and irritations.  The happy happy bullshit I read spewed by others always sounds so ridiculous and sickening.  If I wrote some of the shit I see on other peoples pages I would punch my self in the face. 

Some shit should stay between you and your special someone… the world or at least most of us don’t care if you lovey woobie bear wuvs you. 

With that said… enjoy your Hallmark Holiday!

"If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand."
-Unknown

P.S. Adam J. Kolp… I love the crap out of you!

Click… Click… Boom!

I hate the cattiness and backstabbing that most women engage themselves into.  They are nothing more then attention seekers… mere bloodhounds for drama.  They’ll go out of their way to create a situation and then ask for pity from others when their shallow feelings become hurt.

As Women we tend to build arsenals all the time.  Cataloging backlogs of information on our friends that usually surfaces when we feel we’re being backed into a corner.  Until this happens we hold the deepest secrets stored in our minds vault with a little red flag… we intuitively know to retain this information for when a war breaks out.

I try my best to not fall victim to this horrible trait, but some people are relentless in their bullshit.  These secrets are like ammo for an Armalite AR-10 Carbine Semi-Automatic weapon.  In my vault… I have a surplus of bullets.  

I find myself struggling to not fall into this ridiculous and immature behavior.  So much anger and hatred.  I can go days with out even thinking about it and then it surfaces and I feel destructive.

I can feel the vengeance building and I try to remind myself why I shouldn’t crush the very ground people stand on.

If this attention seeking drama creating behavior continues… I suggest taking steep back and consider the full repercussions of your actions.  Don’t fuck with me.

Noodle on this…

I’ve been told I’m stubborn.  That I’m unforgiving.  I’ve been accused of purposely pushing people away or using sarcasm as a defense mechanism.

You can save your pathetic attempt at deciphering my personality like some psychology drop out.  I’m fully aware that I push people out of my life and you don’t have to be Sigmund fucking Freud to figure that out that it’s a defense tactic.

What brings this on?  Well I spent my Monday reading my psych book and writing a paper breaking down my personalities.  Not an easy task nor is it at all enjoyable.  So Noodles why are you so sarcastic… because I’m annoyed with the fake bullshit people put out there to appear like they’re perfect members of society.

I’m not perfect and I guess I live with the luxury of knowing that.  I don’t need to put on some front in order to live my life.  I don’t have to lie about where I’ve been or what I’ve done out of fear that people will judge me.

I was lucky enough to grow up in a loving family and though, unfortunately, we suffered a number of traumatic loses I’m still here.  Undoubtedly, the loss of my father when I was 8 or the death of my nephew when I was 11 on their own would have left me scarred in some way.  I think in everyone’s life there are moments where certain levels of depression are experienced.

My point is that I have my issues… but I don’t use them as a crutch.  Everything I have and everything I’ve done in my life I’ve earned and worked hard for.  Well maybe not everything… I did go on a few so called “comped” vacations which I later found out weren’t legit.  But that’s a story I’ll keep in reserve…

for now.

Maybe I don’t have much but what I do have is more then I could ever ask for. 

They say Live, Laugh and Love…

and I do.

“Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragement, and impossibilities: It is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak”