Ain't dat da truf!!

Truths for Mature Humans

1.        I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2.      Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3.       I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4.      There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

5.      How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6.      Was learning cursive really necessary?

7.       Map quest really needs to start their directions on #5.  I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8.      Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9.      I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10.   Bad decisions make good stories.

11.   You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12.   Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray?  I don’t want to have to restart my collection…. Again

13.   I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page reports that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14.   “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.

15.   I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? **** it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail.  What did you do after I didn’t’ answer?  Drop the phone and run away?

16.   I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day.  What a waste.

17.   I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.  (no joke I truly do!)

18.   I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19.   I disagree with Kay Jewelers.  I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20.  I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

21.   Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22.  I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. (This has Adam all over it!)

23.   The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

24.  I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25.  How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

26.  I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.  Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27.   Shirts get dirty.  Underwear gets dirty. Pants?  Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever!

28.  Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29.  There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30.   As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

31.   Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

32.   Even under ideals conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find  and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

Recipe for Anal R’tardnation

Yesterday’s mail came with an invoice for tuition and I realized that opening any mail which comes from school still puts a smile on my face.  I love the feeling of enriching my life, the sense of accomplishment that comes with each passing year, and the act of reaching for my very own stars.

I wonder if I would have been this fascinated if I would have gone to college right out of high school?  No real way of telling but I’m sure if would have been much easier to balance work, school and the daily lives of a full functioning adult.  I wish I had the bills of an 18 year old.  How did I ever manage to survive on a paycheck less than my car payment?  Oh that’s right… I had no bills and I still lived with my parents.

With just two short weeks left of my summer vacation I’m under the gun to finish my summer cleaning and organizing.  Thanks to Google and Pinterest my plans are all coming together. 

I found this handy little print out at http://www.my3monsters.com/2011/09/housekeeping.html.  Women by nature are pretty visual people, and who doesn’t love a pretty little list.  I figure I can print this out every month and cross things off as I go.  The daily portions will be helpful to Adam who’s not sure what items should be done on the night that I’m at school until bedtime.  (I doubt he’s as excited about this little find as I am)

In addition to keeping things visual for myself, we’ve also implemented a chore schedule for the kids and have put the older of the 3 in charge as supervisor to make sure all jobs are done on time and preformed to the acceptable standards.  This ought to be interesting since I’m somewhat of a perfectionist and control freak when it comes to the way my house is organized and cleaned.  I don’t cut corners or half ass things.  I am my Mother’s daughter and you can tell by the way my towels are folded.  :)

Getting everyone into a better routine to help out with items around the house should take some of the stress of me while I’m away attempting to learn things with this old brain of mine.

  

In addition to the above list I found this helpful monthly list of deep cleaning projects that I adore!!  My plan is to make this into a magnet!  Cute right??  Oh… I… Know! 

Let the 2 weeks of decluttering, dejunking and over organizing begin!!

Good order is the foundation of all things.--Edmund Burke

Confessions of a 35 year old

Has anyone looked at the “anti-aging” aisle of your Target?  Good grief I feel like I need one of those cross reference catalogs like you find in the auto department for your oil filters and windshield wipers. 

I’m not just another year older… nor none the wiser, but I am a little more observant.  By little I mean very little so don’t be surprised if I don’t notice your new belt or bangle bracelet.  Well actually it’s not so much about others but myself and in that regard I really need to start taking better care of myself.

I have this irrational fear of becoming the old lady that thinks it’s ok to dress like a much younger person.  Everyone has seen this lady… I’m not talking Samantha from Sex in the City wearing the same dress as Miley Cyrus.  I’m talking the lady at the grocery store in the trendy ripped jeans and Aeropostale tee shirt.  Hey Lady… stop raiding your teenager’s closet!  You look ridiculous!

I took a gander through my closet and come across one Buckle outfit to another I realized I really need to re-wardrobe myself.  I can’t keep dressing like a bar hopping 20 something. So… how does a 35 year old dress??  Do I really have to trade in my punky “Sinful” attire for cardigans and loafers?

Is there a ligament reason most clothing stores only stock clothes for women under 25 and women over 45?  I don’t want to wear hello kitty tee shirts… nor do I want to wear anything with embroidered kittens all over it or mom jeans.  Can a girl just buy a tee shirt somewhere? 

I think I need a personal stylist.  More importantly I need a personal nutritionist and trainer.  I’ve heard your metabolism slows down when you get into your 30’s but I feel like mine went on hiatus.  Bitch.

Lots of changes coming, but they’re all towards being a healthier, happier and better ME. 

The safest principle through life, instead of reforming others, is to set about perfecting yourself.
B. R. Haydon