Woman Power and All That Crap

Five days a week I drive into down town LG and trot my happy ass into the local Starbucks.  Where I’m greeted by the morning staff as we exchange the normal pleasantries. 

I wonder what happen to their Old Fashion Chocolate Doughnuts.  Those were so good… but it’s probably better that they no longer offer them in the display case.  My ass thanks thee.

This quick stop into my personal heaven is followed up with the quick drive to the office where I spend the following 8 ½ hours attempting to avoid one argument to the next.  A few months back I had the pleasure of sitting thru my 10^th annual review.

Reviews are much like getting a Pap smear.  We all know we have to go in and have it done… but you spend the whole time waiting for it to be over with.  It’s uncomfortable, you can’t really say what you’re thinking and in the end the other person talks about you like you’re not really in the room.

This year as my boss and I went over my goals for the next year I heard her say something I’ve never heard a person say to me before. 

“So, something I need you to work on is being a more assertive.  You’re sort of a push over.”

I sat there with my mouth wide open in complete and total shock as the sentence left her lips and pierced my brain.  F’ing seriously?!

Maybe the paperwork was mixed up… maybe my diligent work ethic and willingness to help people was misunderstood.  I’m assertive… when I need to be.  Not that I go around inserting my opinion into the faces of everyone around me.

Along with her request she presented me with a print out for a seminar she’d like me to attend in order to work on my “weak” area.  It’s hard to remember what happen next as I drifted off in my mind wondering who I should call first with the hilarity of what just happen.

Obviously I called Pookie.  Flash forward a couple months and it’s seminar day!! 

I agreed to go to “The Conference for Women” for two reasons.  It’s an easy day out of the office and I get paid.  Who wouldn’t, right?  Better yet it was me and our other Rep that got to go together… so I even got to go with someone I like.  Always a bonus! 

Now, I’ve sat thru these snooze fest seminars before.  Filled with catchy titles like “Turning Lemons Into Lemonade: How to Deal with Difficult People”, but at the end of them I leave feeling like I sat through an infomercial.  No really information BUT if you spend “x” amount of dollars you can have these very educational audio CD’s!!  Or perhaps you’d like to buy the latest professional development book series!?!? 

Let’s say as we drove into the city for this seminar I was less than enthralled.  We arrived to the conference center after a short Starbucks and Diet Coke hunt.  To find a room filled with about 60 women. 

Our speakers walked around greeting everyone and I sat in my chair thinking to myself that I might of just been duped into some weird Pro Women’s cult.  Don’t get me wrong… I’m all for equality and empowering women but I still like when guys open doors for me and pay for dinner.  I’m not some nut job.

Once I managed to look past all the “I’m a strong independent woman” gibberish I actually found the seminar to be a bit on the informative end of entertaining.  The speaker was well poised and had a comedic manner about the way she spoke.  I put her somewhere between Queen Latifah and Wanda Sparks.

At the end of the day I did learn some new things which is very well a plus.  Maybe, perhaps, I am a little less assertive in the work place.  Why, you ask? 

Maybe because in the last 10 years I’ve heard every excuse they have to offer and have worked side by side with the same people.  Same people, same snide remarks, same bullshit excuses… most of them so predictable.

My department is somewhat the red headed bastard child of the company.  Work… other peoples work mind you, gets dumped on to our desk with another snide comment of “Well it’s your customer, so it’s your responsibility.” 

Interesting… I work in Customer Service… why would I be responsible for fixing a report someone created incorrectly for you??  I’m not a fucking programmer! 

So, here I go starting my path of “assertiveness’ in the work place.  Eight hours in a conference and I’ve learned to say “No”! 

                Assertive (əˈsɜːtɪv)

                             -  Adj
       1.    Confident and direct in claiming one’s rights or putting forward one’s views
       2.    Given to making assertions or bold demands; dogmatic or aggressive

Based on the definition it should be a breeze.  Time to be a big girl and show these people what’s up.

Everything you need is already within you. The beauty of life is that your DESTINY lies always in your hands. The time has come for you to STEP UP and BE GREAT.

11 tips to not only survive, but thrive!

Here’s my 2^nd plug to http://www.elephantjournal.com/

Photo via Dailyfunnystuff.com

I like this website for a daily pick me up and reminder to always be improving, and always be looking forward; not back.  I’ll admit the end of the list gets a little to tree huggery on me but the message is good and sound.  J

We’ve heard Mayan legends and stories of Apocalypse for the year 2012.

Stop reading now if this is what you’re hoping for—these are tips on thriving.

Truth be told the world is transforming before our eyes.

We’re waking up to the realization that our thoughts matter, we’re all connected and our world is changing. Time is changing, seasons are changing, weather, politics, social systems, beliefs, and people are changing. Most people I work with report having major life changes occur and swooping lightening speed personal growth happening on a regular basis. We can no longer hide from our “stuff” and there seems to be a global movement to wake up, wake up, wake up.

So, what to do? Hold on and consider these 11 tips to not only survive, but thrive.

1. It’s time to look around your life and realize we truly become the five people we hang out with most.

Cut ties to negative people, drama queens and energy suckers. Surround yourself with true friends—people who inspire you and people you love dearly. Energetically: like attracts like, so if you’re surrounded by people who don’t reflect what you really respect, it’s time for a little self-reflection which leads me to the next tip.

2. There is no longer an “out there” and an “in here.”

The world is your mirror. Easily triggered by others? It’s time to remove the trigger. Once we work out our issues of anger, self-sabotage, low self-worth/esteem and our lifetime wounding, we no longer need to pull in others to play out life dramas so we learn the lesson. Take control of your own lessons and buttons. You know what they are, we all have them. Seek out counseling, neurosculpting, brain spotting, neurolinguistic programing or shamanic soul retrieval to shine a light on your issues and take your power back by healing them.

3. Take care of your body energetically.

We’re bombarded with electromagnetic fields, constant distractions, obligations and responsibilities. Multitasking is no longer an option; it’s a necessity in today’s fast paced world. Buy or trade for massages, acupuncture, energy healing, aromatherapy, float tanks, and reflexology. Can’t afford any of it or find a trade for service? Lay on the earth for a few minutes.

Earthing has been scientifically proven to reduce stress and bring our nervous system back into balance. Take a hint from our animal friends, the first thing an animal will do when it’s sick or wounded is to seek solace in a quiet place and lay on the earth. Take a shower when you get home from work to energetically wash away the day (and other’s energies) or take a sea salt bath. Two cups of sea salt in a bath and you’ll feel like a new person. Sea Salt is a well-known energetic cleaner. Try it before you deny it.

4. Still your mind.

Meditating for even 10 minutes a day will reduce the effects of the number one killer: stress. Yoga, silent walking with no agenda and being in nature are moving versions if you can’t sit still. Set your watch or phone to 15 minute intervals and take three deep breath breaks. Breathing into your belly vs. shallow breathing calms the nervous system of the body. Shallow breathing actually activates the fight or flight points near the collar-bone on a primal level and adds to stress. Breathing properly is a habit that once formed, will be remembered in your body. Set your timer for a few weeks, it’s worth it.

5. Take substantial breaks from the cell phone.

The world can survive without you for an hour lunch break. We do not need to be like Pavlov’s dog to the sound of our cell phone ringer or text. Schedule some private time. Toss your cell phone in the back seat of the car on your commutes and errands or at the very least, leave it at home while you walk your dog. Shut the computer off by a certain time and witness your knee jerk reaction to check it every hour. Want to make your mate swoon with passion? Refuse to bring that cell phone to dinner. Give him or her 100 percent of your undivided attention and watch your relationship bloom again as a side benefit to reducing stress. This leads me to the next one…

6. Invest your time with fewer people intimately so you can develop those relationships into a deeper connection.

Intimacy = Into You I see, isn’t possible with everyone. It’s become a superficial word in today’s zillion plus online friendship arena. Developing true connection and trust with another provides a safety zone and refuge from the world when you need it. While I’m suggesting we foster true friendships, it’s also important to consider my next suggestion:

7. Community!

Think globally and act locally; really locally by knowing your neighbors. Get one another’s back and create that small town feel in your own backyard. Care about each other, offer a helping hand. Plant community gardens; vote to stop poisoning the neighborhood earth with pesticides and share community meals once a week. If someone is in trouble, offer him odd jobs before you pick up the phone and call a stranger. We need to break out of the garage door batman habit of driving in, closing the door and waving at one another as we drive by. These are your neighbors, learn to get along with them and enjoy the social community right in the comfort of your backyard.

8. Turn off the damn TV.

It’s all negative or drama anyways. If you can’t part with it, limit your time to great movies or inspiring channels like OWN or National Geographic. Better yet, toss the TV out and watch something 100 percent inspiring like free yoga and videos on Gaiam TV via your computer, phone or iPad for less than three lattes a month. Worried about missing the news? Read it online. I promise, someone will fill you in.

9. Refuse to add more poison to your body.

Buy organic, buy local, use eco-friendly hygiene products and detox by dry brushing, adding lemon to your water in the mornings and upping your clean water intake by supporting healthy sustainable sources of water.

10. Have compassion for everyone.

We don’t know the reason someone is speeding past you in their car, there could be an emergency. We don’t know why people are absent minded and appear to be rude; they could have something heavy on their mind. Judge someone by their appearance? They might be suffering with their health or burdened by stress. Hear something bad about another? Remember that’s just one person’s perspective. Everyone is doing the best they can. Avoid sweeping judgments and consider a few reasons other than your initial reaction before giving someone a negative label.

11. Watch your thoughts and your words.

We are manifesting machines and if you haven’t noticed lately, we are manifesting our worst nightmares and our biggest dreams. Every religious and spiritual text traced back to the beginning of time taught the power of our words. Avoid gossip and don’t repeat it, investigate things for yourself, suspend judgment and refuse to speak of your fears. Talk about what you want, not what you don’t want.  Look around your life: what choices are your friends making and what choices have you made? We are meant to live happy, healthy, abundant lives. When our self-worth and self-esteem are healthy, we realize we’re worthy of creating a good life. Most importantly, when we live a good life, we’re empowered to help others which is truly the most rewarding task of all.

xo

Editor: Kate Bartolotta

My little Butter-Boo got married!!

Boy how the years have seemed to fly by. 

                It’s odd how you look back at your life and even though you know you’re getting older… you still see yourself as the carefree 20 year old.  I mean my bills and responsibilities are much bigger… but I don’t feel this old! 

I must be… cuz’ my baby sister is married with a little family of her own.  Crazy as that sounds.

I remember having the words “That’s not my name” screamed at me through tear soaked eyes for calling her “Molly McButter”.  Now 20 some odd years later I can call her Butters without fearing for my life, lucky me. 

I know some relationships have their ups and downs but with Molly it’s always up.  Sure the teen years were interesting, but she’s always been an amazing person. 

I know I gush to people all the time about how truly amazing my family is.  I’m sure it’s annoying, but seriously I was blessed to have grown up with and around some pretty great people.

Parents, sister, brothers… brothers, sister, Parents…. All amazing in one way or the other!  I’m the luckiest person I know when it comes to families that rock.

It’s an amazing feeling to know people out there have your back.

 Picture courtesy of Rachael Contreras

As I stood in church watching Molly and my very soon to be brother-in-law exchanging vows I started thinking about the many times we shared growing up in our crazy little house. 

Summer days spent roller blading throughout the neighborhood or going for a bike ride.

Camping at Yogi Bear, or in the Dells and having far too much fun at everything we did together.

The day I moved out of my parents’ house and told Molly she’d finally have her own room… only to see her more disappointed about my departure than excited for her slice of privacy.  *tear*

Being there throughout her pregnancy and planning of the wedding.

As many times as I’ve told her how proud I am of her I don’t think she’ll ever fully understand the extent.  Her honesty, loyalty and compassion are some of the few things that I love about her.  It’s her drive, commitment and determination that I envy about her. 

                Maybe were not blood related, but she’s always been the only sister I’ve really ever had or could count on. 

I love her to the moon and back. 

Congratulations Troy & Molly ! ! !

Live *~* Laugh *~* Love

It’s nice to look out over the world and feel at peace.  To stand in the warm breeze and have no anger, to feel no hate.  The sun dancing off my skin and I have the luxury of knowing I hold the key to my future and my happiness.

The best things in the world:

1. Sitting on my couch after cleaning admiring my carpet lines.  One of the best feelings in the world.
2. The completely captivating sound of rain.
3. Wednesday night drives with Adam.  Maybe some dread a two hour car ride but we always have a blast telling silly stories or last minute pull over request to take an Instagram photo.
4. Trips to Target with Becc’s & Luke.  This is one of my favorite reset buttons after a bad day.
5. Spending the day with my brother, if we’re shopping or just running errands it’s always a good time.
6. Having the time to cook a good meal… like really cook, with all fresh ingredients and a homemade desert. 
7. Goofing around with my nephew Kody… we’re two peas in a retarded little pod and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
8. A dog named Cooper… no dog could ever hold a candle to him and my heart will forever miss his hugs, high fives, and spastic little dance when he’d get excited.  You’ll be forever in my heart and mind.
9. Cuddling on the couch with Adam, the kids, and my little Peanut (aka - Phoebe) to watch a movie.
10. The relief and calmness I feel when I walk into my parents’ house… to know I can always go home. 
11. OMG… shoes.  Shoes.  SHOES!
12. The first night of sleeping on clean sheets. 

10 Things You Need to Stop Doing Today to be Happier

I found this adorable and inspiring website (Thanks MareBear)… so I thought I’d share a little post via http://www.elephantjournal.com. 

We tend to be unconscious of behaviors that are causing pain and unnecessary suffering in our lives.

If we could just become more conscious of behaviors that are leading to the pain in our lives, we would be a lot happier. Today we can start giving up some of the things in our life that are causing this conflict.

1. Stop complaining

Don’t find fault, find a remedy; anybody can complain.
~ Henry Ford

Nobody wants to be around someone who complains all the time. Yet we all do it. Instead of finding a reason to complain, look for the solution if you’re facing a problem. Look for something positive in your life. There’s always something positive to find in our life if we shift our focus.

2. Stop Judging

We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours is the only path.
~ Paulo Coelho

Stop judging other people’s lives and focus on perfecting your own life. We spend so much time gossiping rather than working on perfecting ourselves. Focus on your own life, and how you’re going to perfect it.

3. Stop avoiding your fear.

Run from what’s comfortable. Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious.
~ Rumi

Fear is an obnoxious thing—it slows you down from finding a career you love, a romantic relationship, and pursing your dreams. Do something that makes you uncomfortable every day, in small steps, and it will dramatically alter the course of your life.

4. Stop being so hard on yourself

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.
~ African Proverb

The biggest enemy that you face is the one inside you—this enemy criticizes, condemns, and complains. Don’t let these unconscious patterns run your life.

Come to terms with these patterns, the biggest enemy you ever have to face in the one inside of you.

5. Stop being negative

Misery loves company.
~ Anonymous

If you focus on being negative it’s going to show up everywhere in your life. It will show up in your work, relations and everything else. Shift your focus away from being so negative all the time. Find things that make you come alive!

6. Stop caring about what other people think of you

Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.
~ Lao Tzu

Every great artist, musician, political leader, ignored what people thought of them. Other people’s opinions of you, are none of your business. What people think of you should not drown out your own inner voice and inspirations.

7. Stop worrying about the small stuff

When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.
~ Winston Churchil

Think about all the unnecessary worries that go through your mind all day. We worry about why someone is not returning our emails, texts, phone calls. We worry about everything and everything.

Focus on what you can do at the present moment and not about how you can worry about the outcome.

8. Stop needing to be right all the time

The need to be right all the time is the biggest bar to new ideas. It is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong than to be always right by having no ideas at all.
~ Edward De Bono

Stop needing to be right all the time; this can lead to so many unnecessary arguments. Instead of needing to be right, start working on being more open to other people’s opinions. Start asking more questions and become more interested in other people’s points of view. It may open a whole new dimension of life.

9. Stop blaming others

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.
~ George Bernard Shaw

We constantly blame everyone for all types of different things. Quit blaming other people for your circumstances. If you want to change something go out and do it! Don’t blame someone for your present day situations.

10. Stop living in the past or the future

You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.
~ Henry David Thoreau

So much of our attention is on past experiences or on how we will be in the future. Focus your mind on the present moment. We would be so much happier if we placed our attention on the present.

(Editor: Lynn Hasselberger)

Independence Day - 2012

What better way to get back into my groove of writing.  Sorry for the long hiatus but things have been a little out of control lately… to say the least.

I spent this 4^th of July hunkered down at home in the air conditioning.  101° is just a little too hot for me to enjoy watching a parade or standing near an open flame cooking brats and burgers. 

Couple that with no rain for a month and I wasn’t courageous enough to put myself near the fireworks displays either.  Luckily my amazing view from the deck over looks miles of farm fields and the skyline was full of fireworks from all the other counties and town ships.  So I saw about 4 firework shows and didn’t have to deal with any traffic. 

            It was nice have a free day during the week, though.  Cleaned the house, changed and washed all the linings on the beds, cooked out some burgers for the kids, picked out a few projects to work on with all my free time this summer.  It was a very productive day. 

            School starts back up in the end of August and it feels very odd to not have homework, or a discussion due.  Trying to juggle a full time job, school, home and family keeps a girl running most of my day.  I really need to take advantage of the free time that I have.  I’ve read a few books and now need something else to break up the monotony.

            I’ve baked a few new items and cooked up a storm… I still feel I need a project.  Guess if I don’t have 8 million things to do I almost feel lazy.  They say an idle mind is the Devils workshop… and we don't want that happening now do we?

            What I need is a Summer 2012 bucket list!

                                                Stay tuned…  until then I hope everyone had a safe 4^th of July!

I pledge allegiance to the Flag
     of the United States of America,
and to the Republic for which it stands:
     one Nation under God, indivisible,
With Liberty and Justice for all.